That's when I awoke to hear Lauren in her monitor. She was just talking away as if it was 3:45 in the afternoon. Then I heard Caleb stir in his crib, uh-oh, I thought. Caleb was sleeping without his pacifier for the first night-cold turkey! Lauren seemed to be okay so I rolled over to go back to sleep. But I couldn't. Why? So I thought, "Okay Lord, maybe you want to talk?" I remember looking at the clock at 4:30, not a bit sleepy. That's when I heard Lauren open her door. "Tee-tee potty." For those of you who don't know, I don't like to say, "Pee." It's worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. Why? Everyone says it, right? My mom never taught me it was wrong but it just bugs me. You don't hear your 80 year old grandmother saying, "I have to go pee." Can you imagine someone at church trying to get past you in the pew saying, "Uh...I have to pee." No! Besides, if you're not going to "pee" do you say, "I'm going to poop?" I always taught my students to just say they needed to go to the bathroom. By the way, when I taught in Arlington, most of the kids said, "I have to use it." I would reply, "What is 'it'? Do you need to use my pencil?"
So, back to Lauren at 4:30 this morning. I helped her go potty and I asked her what woke her up. "Daddy did." I asked, "Daddy did?" See, Stephen leaves at 2:45 am so he can be home by 7:15 when I need to leave. I asked, "How did Daddy wake you up?" "He moved the van," she answered. Well, yes, Stephen did park the truck in the street so the kids could play in the driveway yesterday. So....the truck woke her up. So does this mean she has been up since 2:45?I told her she could listen to a story on her cassette recorder (remember those?). I told her when the story was over, she could talk to Jesus and hopefully that would help her go back to sleep.
4:40 I hear, "click, click" on the tape recorder and then I hear Lauren's door again. She isn't loud opening the door, just closing it. She hasn't learned to turn the knob before pulling it shut so every time she pulls it shut, it is really loud, especially at 4:40 am when Caleb is sleeping just next door. "Mommy, I can't do it. The story is over." As I remind myself that it is not her fault that she can't sleep, I take her back to bed, help her up the ladder of her loft bed, get her flashlight, and show her how to turn the tape over and push the green one because we all know green means go. I knew this was hard for her but she is smart and with practice I know she'll get it. I even had her do it once. It's not easy getting that cassette to fit into the slot on the door. I reminded her it was sleeping time and Mommy and new baby needed to sleep. I asked her to stay in bed. "Okay Mommy." I crawled back into bed and heard Caleb stirring again. He hit one of his crib toys that plays music so I got to listen to "Hallow-Weiner" in one monitor and baby music in the other. I reminded myself how happy I am to have 2 beautiful children and I enjoyed the kicks that new baby gave me in the lowest part of my belly. That raises a concern that the baby is very comfortable being breech.
5:15 I'm relaxed, my eyes are closed, and I hear it again, Lauren's door. She is going to wake up Caleb, I just know it. I decide to pretend I'm asleep. As the light gets closer I hear, "Mommy?" Then the light is shining directly in my eyes, "Mommy?" So again, I take her back to bed and explain that it is sleeping time. Everyone is asleep. Please do not wake up Caleb or Mommy or new baby! Listen to your story. Here is how to turn the tape over ONE MORE TIME. "Okay Mommy."
5:30 I don't even remember if she made it to her door but in my not so nice voice I said, "LAUREN! GET BACK IN THAT....." Up the stairs she tried to go but she had a flashlight in each hand, "Mommy, put my flashlights up." I continued, "DO NOT GET OUT OF BED UNTIL THE SUN COMES UP!" And in her sweet little Lauren voice, "Thank you." I felt so guilty for raising my voice to her. She doesn't know what to do when you can't sleep.
6:40 my alarm went off. I think I went to sleep around 6 so I reset the clock for 7, knowing I HAD to shower and be at work at 7:30. I hate being late. I am late as often as it snows in College Station. I can usually leave the house at 7:20 and be in my classroom, checking email before 7:30. I left the house at 7:38 and on top of the fog, I now had to wait in line with all the parents who were dropping their students off. It took me 10 minutes to get to my parking space- by the way I parked illegally because there weren't any spaces left in my lot. I would normally freak out if I was late, my heart would race and crazy thoughts would go through my head, but this time, I didn't sweat it. What's going to happen if I'm not in my seat at 7:30? I don't pick my students up until 8:00 anyway.
9:15 Stephen opened Lauren's door so she'd wake up and he noticed the cassette player opened, the tape jammed into the player- not in the slot- and tape strung out across the top. She tried to do it all by herself.
4 days ago