Call off the search party. I'm okay. Not great, but okay.
I haven't shared the good news. I am 8 weeks pregnant and after losing a baby at 12 weeks last December, and miscarrying around April 4, I think this is a strong pregnancy. I have been exhausted...walking up the stairs makes my legs tired. I have been taking naps every day, sometimes 2! It must be the combination of being 37 and having 3 small children.
Last week was the end of school for me and usually a time of excitement, but not this year. Not only did I have to pack all of my belongings to go to a new school next year, I also had to pack all the other materials because the new teacher will be in a different classroom. On top of that, I was behind schedule and 3 times an "emergency situation" occurred which put me even further behind. That meant I could not check out on Friday and I'd have to return the next week to finish up. So the combination of it all plus my hormones gave me some anxiety. I didn't have time to check email or blog.
So I tried to put it all behind me and enjoy myself at my cousin's graduation last Friday. I was excited to be with all my aunts and uncles and most of my cousins. I knew my children would be well taken care of and it would lessen my responsibilities. Friday night was a late one. The ceremony didn't even start until 8 and it was about 45 minutes from the house. Afterwards we were going to go straight to our hotel but I really wanted to spend quality time with my aunts and uncles so we let the kids stay up late.
Saturday morning we headed over to my aunt and uncle's house and stayed with them through Tuesday where we swam in their pool every day and went out on the lake. The kids got to go tubing with Stephen and my cousin. We got to go for evening rides on the lake. It was wonderful...but I felt the depression coming on in spite of it all.
When we got back into town on Tuesday we went straight to my classroom and spent an hour trying to pack. I had to go back on Wednesday. Meanwhile, I was too anxious to even turn the computer on. I am serious. No Facebook. No blog. No email. The hormones really did a number on me. I can't say that I've done much this week. The house has suffered and the emails are piling up...unanswered. But it is a huge step for me to be here right now. I have managed to take the kids to the pool 4 days in a row...by myself on Wednesday. I knew the sun would be good for me.
Through it all, Stephen has been wonderful. He has taken care of the kids ...food...diapers...baths...and more. He has made sure I have eaten and has not questioned my food aversions (anything in our fridge). My other pregnancies have not been this hard. I will be devastated if I lose this one because I don't think I can go through this all over again. A friend advised me to take some fish oil supplements and I am starting to feel a little better every day. I just want to be myself again!
4 days ago